Subversive Christianity

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I dropped the class. About which I feel quite wonderful, except I am subdued because of the nightmare it was to deal with the registrar. Eventually everything got mostly sorted out, but it took hours and I hit a lot of red tape. Ugh.

Still, when the dust clears, after the weekend, I think I’ll be really pleased with what I am taking. And I’ve reduced one class to pass/fail, so I don’t have to think about it, and added the doctoral seminar in ancient-future worship, which is right up my alley. I won’t get any credit for it towards my degree, but it’s still worth being there. I love the topic.

Thanks for your prayers. I am SO looking forward to a quiet day tomorrow with Bishop Thomas Shaw. It’s just what I need (and I have time for it because no more Greek!!!).

Sitting in class, writing this. Well it’s actually a break. But I was playing solitaire during class. Because we were reading the syllabus. Which is a great use of time. Although I was thinking that I don’t really ever read them myself, so I should probably be paying attention.

So I am really in a terrible mood. I’ve been snappy at people and crying off and on. It’s really hard to sit in a class for 3 hours when you just want to cry.

It’s the stress level. I can’t take it much longer. I need a break. Oh, I was supposed to have just had one. Only I DIDN’T! And now I need one. Badly.

I have every intention of going to a quiet day at church on Saturday. But that will kill most of Saturday (it’s 9-3). And tomorrow is shot b/c I have class in the morning and various school crap to take care of in the afternoon. Which leaves the weekend evenings (because hell, what else would I have to do?) and Sunday (after church) for studying. Seeing how I have several hundred pages of reading, 12 verses of greek to translate, and now this crazy prof who is assigning us extra stuff that’s due 2 days before class (doesn’t he understand that when class is on Thursday night that means I can only do his homework on Thursday?? My weekend is for the Monday/Wednesday class homework!). Oh, and there’s that movie about cota I’m supposed to finish so it can be shown when Karen is here, and there’s the arts fest which I’m supposed to be a big figure in (and I’m trying to get stuff ready to perform…and I just was recruited to write for chapel…and…), and oh yeah, I have that internship which I don’t really go to anymore and I now have 3 books to read for it, and there’s Thad’s which is my real passion and where I’m most involved (brain-wise).

God. How did this happen? And I have to tell you, I am terrified of my Greek exegesis class. Pure terror. I don’t know what to do. For the first time I am considering dropping a class. Which would put me under full time (tho I’d still be at 10 units - pretty darn full). So what? Well, for one thing, I’d be off schedule for graduating end of summer ‘07. Not a huge deal, but could mess up my life in that J will be looking for a job about that time and may move across the country from here. I’d like to go along. Then there’s the financial aid deal - I’m on scholarship (not for the whole cost - not even close - but significant $$) and I might lose it. I have to check on that - if it’s pro-rated or just completely gone. That does make a difference.

To make everything worse, the last day to drop a class and get a full refund is…today. Well tomorrow as I write this, but who knows when I’ll post this. Have never gotten my wireless to work so I can’t post in class. Anyway the point is I have to decide immediately.

God, the idea of dropping a class is so enticing. But then I think, I might as well get it over with. But then I might get a terrible grade and/or stress myself out. Then again I might learn from 1 Peter, stuff that I can use at Thad’s or in interfaith work - it’s about Christian identity, which is really interesting to me. But if I drop it I’m not going to have to translate every week…and dramatically reduce the time I spend on homework. But if I drop it, I have to take something else later, and it could be just as bad.

I don’t know what to do. The biggest thing is wanting to finish in a certain time, which is stupid, because the smartest people I know here are taking longer to finish than “normal” (no such thing anyway). And J says it’s fine to take longer - and it’s his life that gets screwed up if I make us stay here when there’s a job across the country (of course if Harvard calls he’ll go and I’ll live with the cats and that will be that).

Of course, what just happened? We looked at 1 Peter 2:1-10, which is a section about…we think…laypeople. And the change in the sacrificial system from Judaism to “spiritualized” sacrifices in Christianity. And I’m reading along and getting into 1 Peter, interested in the ideas about ecclesiology that this passage reveals. There are concrete actions for the priesthood of everyone - including worship, proclamation, and my prof claims the rest of the letter reveals more content of what it means to be the royal priesthood, God’s people. God’s possession, says the literal. And then I curiously went to the Greek to check the terminology and I did in fact recognize most of the words. I guess my vocab is still okay, it’s just the whole verb and tense thing that I fear.

So I don’t know. Maybe I should just stick it out. I could learn at least one book of the Bible really well in Greek. The prof says we’ll translate the whole thing. I’ll have that. And maybe tools to keep translating in other books.

Would I use that though? These days I feel like Latin, German and French would be a lot more useful than Greek & Hebrew. I think I might actually know Latin better than Greek anymore. And I never studied it - I just sang it a lot and have read a lot of liturgy!

Grrr…I don’t know what to do. The 1 Peter Greek is a bear. All kinds of words that exist nowhere else in the NT. Stuff that is more Classical (Attic) than Koine. Verb tenses I’ve never heard of. I could hold out for something Johannine. I think I did most of 1 John in my Greek workbook.

Dammit! Now it’s showing. The stress. People asking me if I’m OK, which makes me more pissy. Snappish. On the bright side, I’m scaring people off and they mostly leave me alone in class.

Maybe it will get better. It has to. Or to the padded room I will go.

Maybe I’m just stressing for Lent. Think Easter can erase this? Now that would be a miracle.

Those of you in LA, this looks like a really cool event:
http://letmypeoplesing.com/main.html

Hey, guys, you can pray for me if you do that sort of thing. My stress level has reached epic proportions. I’ve been on a super-stress ride since about 2 weeks before the quarter ended. There was the week o’ papers, then the week o’ finals, then the spring “break” during which I had demands on almost every moment of my time (weekends included - I took one day off to go to Universal Studios), and I still have multiple projects hanging over my head before I can feel like I’m in a state of control. Actually this stuff isn’t going to go away for at least another month (that’s when yet another giant event which I’m part of will happen).

I tried to quit a couple things yesterday - we’ll see how that goes over. I really feel like I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. I’m eating like crazy (and so gaining even more weight and feeling crappy about it), and I have digestive pain. I sleep okay (thanks to pills) but I don’t want to get up in the morning. Every day is this blur of obligations and at the end of it I just have to look at another lack of progress.

I’ve stuck with morning prayer but it’s hard. I don’t have time to do what I really need, which is a retreat. Saturday is a quiet day at church that I’m going to try to get to, but I’m already behind on my homework so who knows….

Anyway, prayers are much appreciated. I hate these whiny me me me posts. But ya’ll seem to care about me, so I’m telling you what’s up. Life is hard and I can’t get out from under it - stuff just isn’t getting done, and that makes me crazy.

Will I ever feel on top of things again?

Am I just feeling what it will be like to be in ministry?

Because I’m not entirely sure I can handle it.

So my group in the church plant (which is called Thad’s, and I’m just going to use that name from now on) has to come up with some principles that will put our lofty mission statement and other jargon into actual practice. Here is what I have come up with so far (note they are a work in progress, some are written well and others are just my thoughts):

1. We are formed into God’s people through our worship (rituals?).
(note: this isn’t meant to be exclusive, it’s just one part of formation)

2. At Thad’s, worship leaders (including clergy) are first members of the community and secondarily leaders of it. Any member of Thad’s can be a worship leader, and any worship leader must approach his or her ministry from within the the community. ‘Worship leaders come from the people, not to them from the outside.’ (Thomas G. Long, The Witness of Preaching, p 10-11)

3. Participation in worship leadership is a legitimate, positive way of connecting to God and being transformed by the love of Jesus. Worship leaders are valuable servants to the community who seek to get out of the way as God touches and transforms lives.

4. We will empower people to use their unique gifts, talents, and ideas to create worship. The style and elements of our worship service will be directed by the gifts of our people - we will specifically reflect those whom God has brought together to be Thad’s.

5. Diversity: we are not very diverse ourselves, maybe, but that doesn’t mean we can’t represent the full range of God’s people in our songs, instruments, art, and language. We need to remember that the Kingdom, and thus our worship, isn’t American - it’s from all over the world and 2,000 years of history. I think it would behoove us to add elements from other cultures from time to time, to keep in mind the breadth of the kingdom (and prepare us for the multi-cultural worship of heaven, right?).

6. I believe we should have Scripture included every week in one way or another. This can be by reading (individual or group), singing, chanting, art, or whatever else we may dream up. But too many churches (outside the liturgical realm) ignore the words of Scripture, and they are life-giving.

7. Finally, I would push for Eucharist every week. I know that might seem weird at first. But I think it truly feeds our souls, truly forms us into the people of God. Taking Eucharist does fulfill our mission to transform lives with Jesus’ love (quite literally!). And the table can be open, or if not, we can explain why. People generally are cool with that (I’ve been in a lot of interfaith and unchurched contexts where it’s been handled without hurting anyone’s feelings).

Hey, that’s seven! Must be complete.

Christians are making their presence known.

Online: http://xianz.com/
(note: this website is by invitation only - apparently God can’t directly inspire you to join - sounds pretty dangerously Catholic to me!)

And in San Francisco, a supposedly tolerant city that has officially condemned a peaceful gathering of citizens whose politics differ from theirs. Now I’m not saying I remotely agree with the organizers of this rally, particularly their military metaphors, but how can a city call itself “tolerant and progressive” when they pass resolutions like this?

Some of you are longtime preachers and others are in seminary like me. Still others of you have never tried - or maybe even fear - preaching. These thoughts from day one of my homiletics class may interest any of you. If not, well…go read something else, I guess.

The prof told us we’re all preachers. Now already. Even if we think we’re not a preacher, we have no idea what God has in mind for us. God has brought us here to school, and is preparing us to be preachers, because someday God may need us to preach. His assumption is we’re all preachers and we all have what it takes to be a faithful and effective preacher. At the same time, we have nothing to say unless we are speaking God’s word (not our word).

If one is good at preaching, it will be a big temptation to enjoy it too much. It’s good to have someone (a spouse) who can say it’s not your best work. Preaching is ego-gratifying, and it’s a temptation to give in to that. Our best efforts are merely a vehicle for the Word of God. An image: someone carrying a candle in a dark room - the candle is the focus of everyone in the room, but the candle-bearer is still seen, in the illumination of the candle’s light.

And if we do badly, Christ is not seen, only our ineptitude.

Simplicity and clarity: a single objective toward which we work. We’re going to learn how to do one point sermons. A common error is to try to do too much. We must learn economy of speech - say just what you intend to say and nothing more. Fortunately, our sermons are not graded!

So what is at stake when you preach? The faith of God’s people. Without that in mind, your preaching is never compelling, because it will not be urgent. Tragedy is always striking someone in your congregation, and they need a word from the Lord, and that’s your job to provide, as the preacher.

Say it with me: I will not become a great preacher in the next 10 weeks!

But perhaps I will experience the joy of doing what God has called me to, and knowing God has worked through me during a sermon.

Exegesis for preaching is to be certain about what God has to say to God’s people - not to show how learned you are! Preaching wants to be a clear message of the gospel, not something erudite or well-read. Great preaching is not always in your hands, but being faithful is.

The four essential engagements of preaching:
1. Engagement with a text - diligently, faithfully, not as a passing reference point, but thoroughly ground your sermon in the message of Scripture.
2. Engagement with the context of the preaching moment. A sermon is always particular, never general. The sermon is always a Proper (not an Ordinary).
3. Theological engagement
4. Engagement with the hearts and minds of the listeners: to the head, clear logical easy to follow; to the heart, something that speaks more deeply (but they have to understand what you’re saying first!).

Ha ha! He’s forcing us to write out our sermons!

I feel like I’m missing some kind of humility I’m supposed to have about preaching. Maybe I’ll get it from the books we’ll read on theology of preaching. I just am not really all that afraid of it. J points out to me that evangelicals fear it because it’s “the main event” in their services. In our services, it’s important, but it’s not the be-all and end-all.

Now, when it comes time for me to do a Eucharist, then I will be wetting my pants. That is what scares me!

But preaching, I dunno. Maybe I’m overconfident and I’ll suck at it. But I’m just a good public speaker, seem to be a decent writer, and so it just doesn’t worry me that much. Perhaps when I’m in front of a group of real people, not my seminary peers, I’ll start to be scared. I’ll start to feel the weight of what I’m doing. Or maybe I won’t.

Anyway, I think preaching class is going to be lots of fun. I’ll keep you posted.

A really great post by Jane Smiley over at Huffington Post - a message to new converts (away from Bush): http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jane-smiley/notes-for-converts_b_17662.html

Yay! It’s my week to host the blog carnival! Aren’t you lucky - you’re gonna get referred to all kinds of fascinating stuff. And if I read your blog, you might just find your own self on here (do let me know if you don’t want me referring traffic to you).

We start with a beautiful submission from the Velveteen Rabbi: her Haggadah for Pesach (you have to visit to see what that means, if you don’t know).

Xpatriated Texan has some thoughts on the “middle way” of politics (ha ha Episcopal joke! Hey, when I host that’s what you get).

I humbly submit some of my own thoughts on a new work I’m joining of planting a church (or a movement, really).

If you’ve read my recent stuff on fighting the atheists, you’ll understand why I appreciated this post at Mark My Words.

Thank goodness episco sours has provided a prayer to get us all through Girl Scout cookie time!

Jeanette at PoMo Kidz reminds us that it takes a village.

Father Jake alerts us that the world is watching.

Over at the revealer, Nicole Greenfield points us to the McPassion.

Dylan (sarahlaughed.net) writes to us about the freedom to be found in God’s family.

Some thoughts on music in worship from Habakkuk’s Watchpost.

And finally, here is a laugh from my good friend Eric (I’m questioning Fuller’s history dept…).

If you wrote something good you want me to post, let me know, or just send us a link in the comments! Cheers!